Travel blog…
I decided to have a few days away in Italy and to start things off I was staying at a Premier Inn at Gatwick Airport to avoid a very early start to get my very early flight. However, I still had to wake up at 4am which hurt my eyes like looking into a laser beam at a Jean Michel Jarre concert.
I managed to get ready in good time and looking out of my bedroom window I could see the transfer bus waiting outside. Sadly I couldn’t get there in time and had to wait 20 minutes for another one. Still, what’s the hurry…
Once through check in and security which involved me getting a full body search I boarded the flight. Having a servere nut allergy I got the ‘special’ seats which results in extra leg room and a different breakfast to everyone else. However, the public address to the rest of the plane was a little embarrasing. You can’t eat your own nuts and we won’t sell them to you either went the address!!!
After a two hour coach ride to the Hotel I arrived at the Hotel Splendid Palace. My concern about the outdated rooms was resolved when it turns to have had a major facelift. My room was very small and very nice with the most fantastic view…
In the afternoon I walked into town and had my first proper Macchiato on Fleurs instructions.
Dinner was interesting… I’d told the hotel when I arrived about my nut allergy and had made a sign to wear around my neck… Well, not really but it felt that way. I went down to dinner and the matradee said… Arrr yes… We have a real problem here… I said oh!!!
Upon that he sat me down a disapeared into the back. To my pleasure he produced one of the best pasta meals I’d ever eaten and I was stuffed. Being a boring Brit I felt it was only right to drink the free beer and read my book. However that was interupted by the main course!!! WTF!!! Steak and chips!!! The pasta was a fucking starter… I ate the lot, was stuffed, and didn’t die… Who was I to argue. The mostly german guests looked in jelousy as I had clearly had two great meals compared to their dried up buffet… 🙂
My first nights sleep was not great. Not sure why. Different bed maybe caused a few nightmares. Very odd. Waking up this morning the lake shining in the sun and the church bell ringing, what an amazing sight. Such a contrast to Saturday and the clouds and rain. However, I love the snow capped mountains in the distance and the fact I’m not in Benidorm!!!
The next day I took a ferry to the town of Riva. Not much going on there but I did managed to get the worlds best Lasagna. Every mouthfull was a delight. I followed this with my newly found interest, Coffee Macchiato. This one came up so strong my eyes could see through time… Fantastic!!!
The following day I decided to go on a little trip. It was an early to go visit the Alps in Austria. Getting up at 5am was just so wrong considering that this is meant to be a relaxing holiday… my body decided to reject this. Yes, that’s right. I had the shits!!! Stomach twisting, sick feeling cold shivers. Geat, let’s go in a coach for the next 8 hours… I was green / grey in colour and feeling rougher than a junkie coming down from his last hit of crystal meth… The first stop was more than welcome… I ran from the coach faster than Linford Christie and into a nearby hotel to drop off whatever it was that was making me ill… Realising that I’d spent a little longer than planned from the coach I ran back. I’m not sure how long I’d been away but all I can say is the weather had turned for the worst and my flat converse shoes had become ice skates on the marble floor. My legs opened wider than a man in my condition should do and I pilled into a fence, busting my leg and knee. Now I’m walking with a limp and scared my next toilet break is in another country, which it was… The only thing that made this worse if that’s possible is the man behind me in a strong west country accent describing out loud what he was seeing… A cow, a train, a mountain, a man with shitty fingers about to punch me!!!
Somehow I managed to survive till I got high up into the Austrian Alps and duly went to find a pharmacy. Walking in, Italian is no longer the order of the day but German. Sadly my iPhone doesn’t have German so I showed her and played her the following message in Italian: I need something for diarrhoea. The assistant duly laughed out loud and then totted off to bring back the old stalwart of Immodium… She charges me a few Euros and said she thought the phone was a good idea. I looked her in the eye and said… Frankly it’s a fucking life saver… We laughed and I left her to get my insides cemented up.
Feeling a little better a few hours later I had chance to explore the Alps and came to the conclution that I’ve seen snow before and felt the cold far too often. Interesting the men in these villages all wear a blue apron. All of them. If a man has one side tucked into his belt then he’s single looking for love. What an amazing and strange custom. Some things still surprise me in this world. I only noticed one guy with his apron tucked in and he was old and ugly. I got the feeling that this was always going to be his look…
I continued to live on Latte Macchiato…
After having a day of rest and relative bordom, the next day I took a trip to Venice.
My imagination was that it was a romantic, beautiful and relaxing city. Certainly I had reservations about going without Fleur but with the weather being fairly poor and every other person being German I couldnt face another day of sitting around, so I took the chance that it would be so good I’d want to go again and I can get all my pictures out of the way now. Well I’m actually glad I did. Venice is a beautiful city disbite the fact it’s falling apart at the seams and sinking into the sea. The first thing you notice after the 3 hour coach ride is that Venice is an island situated off the coast of a very industrial port. Ship building, ferrys and smoke stacks litter the area. After the short boat trip to Venice itself I arrived in St Marks Square. This was a massive disapointment. Dirty, plain and full of pigions like Trafalger Square used to be. Two competing hotels on either side off seating, lunch and a classical orcistra. At the same time!!! This might be a bit too much but you kind of accept it. Then you look at the menu. The prices are off the scale for the simplest meal and to add insult to injury, you get charged €5 just to sit down, then the meal cost and then the compulsary 12% tip!!!
As part of the trip we could all go on gondela rides around Venice. €18 each, which I felt was resonable given my size. The poor bugger that gets to push me around in a boat will bloody earn it… However, this was just for a seat on a boat for 6. If I wanted to go it alone it would cost €108!!!
So, here I am about to get into a Gondela with a bunch of stangers with extras being the option to drink sparkling wine from plastic cup and have a man sing opera alongside an accordion player who all get into the boat with you. Cosy!!!
Now, these Gondela’s look amazing. Polished black with gold fittings. If it had a lid however, it would be a coffin… The fronts have a polished silver spike which bobs up and down in a threatening way, especially if you’re the gondolier standing on the back of the boat in front who’s arse is about to be impailed!!! As I was instructed to enter the boat I decided not to step in like normal people, I decided to jump in, both feet first. The poor gondleia almost shat himself as the boat rolled like it had just been hit by a tsunami. The poor man then cried out…. ‘Mumma Mia!!!’ Needless to say, I did say sorry and offer to buy him some new underwear.
Once we got underway, the trip around the canals was amazing full of character. The strength and skill needed to guide these boats around was staggering. I’m not sure how it was done or how he stopped it tipping over but many of us kept going ‘whorrrr’ every so often as the angle got more serious. The thing that struck me was the smell. I’m not sure if it had anything to do with the suddenly hot and sunny day but the pong was terrible and the water dirty and full of litter. It was certainly an experience but far from romantic. More like a funfair ride. just more expensive and a little cheesier…
Walking around the allyways was interesting for the Italian and middle easten architecture but all the shops were the same. Masks, plastic Gondelas and scarfs at €450 each. Venice is one big tourist trap to grab you’re money and offers very little in value. The tour guide said that few people live there now and it’s now just a big outdoor museum. Along the dockside, Africans, loads of them, sell fake Louis Vuitton handbags which on the surface look as good or bad depending on you’re point of view as the originals. Police walk passed them and arrest and fine €1000 anyone who buys them. Even the police are on the make!!! Mumma Mia!!!
Venice is visually interesting and an experience, but so disappointing too.
I got back to the hotel late and dinner had been saved for me. This was so welcome after the 12 hour round trip. I got back to my room. Dropped everything off and went to the bar for a drink. At this point the lift must have entered a surreal universe. As the door opened I was greeted by all the Oap’s watching several naked Brazillian black women dance up and down the carpet to music. I agree that it could have been worse and I could have naked Japanese men swinging their little dicks around. A surreal end to a interesting and long day.
The rest of my time was fairly lazy with resting swimming, easting more Pasta and finally catching some sun.
I had a good time away, got some thinking done and realized that the best bit about going on holiday is coming home again.
M
PS: All the pictures are available at: http://www.flickr.com/photos/xalio/sets/72157624041387980/
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